Category: Personal
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You cannot recreate the viscerality of life from within a chamber.
It’s 2018… I think. I’m sat on the hospital bed waiting for the mental health team following blood results. I was finally allowed to eat again. My pal who had trekked across the borough came armed with a giant bag of pickled onion space raiders. We begin the spreadsheet “reasons to stay alive”. ‘Try new…
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New fibres.
Trauma fills your bones. It pangs when you drive past places you used to know. The sinews cling to your skin and endlessly stretch their fibrous tendrils to create waypoints back to the source. Shitty little strings you can fray but never fully remove. 2023 ended in hidden pain. 2024 began the task of untangling…
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Acts of intimacy.
Socks, no shoes on. Onomatopoeia. Deep breaths. Cups of tea. Chopping vegetables. Concentration. Unexpected conversation. A shared photo. Hearing their story. The real story. Unafraid to cry. Seeing them cry. A tentatively comforting touch. Your first and last hug. An invitation. Reminders. The remnants of breadcrumbs.
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Mythical creatures: disbelieving the celebration of difference.
Someone who I respect and admire recently said to me “we haven’t worked together, but I’ve heard about you.” My immediate reaction was “oh god, why?!” I didn’t stop to think that this might be actually be a positive thing. I spend so much energy feeling frustrated by the negative perceptions that tar or contradict…
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A brief reflection on subjectivity, authenticity and positionality.
How is it that the subject is the kind of being who can be exploited, who is, by virtue of its own formation, vulnerable to subjugation? Bound to seek recognition of its own existence in categories, terms, and names that are not of its own making, the subject seeks the sign of its own existence…
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Seven safe places to hide.
This post has been inspired by a band I’m hooked on at the minute. Austin TX based Urban Heat have been lulling my lugholes on my commute every day. About a month ago, frontman, Jonathan Horstmann, spoke of the way songs transform and reveal additional meaning (watch the Instagram reel here). He was specifically referring…
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As I dance through bluebells.
It’s 3pm on Wednesday. I’m sat in a long, drawn out meeting. My reflection stares back as I try to concentrate on the agenda items. The frown lines in my face prominent and the bags under my eyes weighing heavy onto my cheek bones. Sadness expelled in the weight of heavy sighs. It was only…
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Parenting my feral inner child.
I’ve been partially bed bound and working from home the last few days with awful flu-like symptoms. The ones that make you do those pathetic little moans in pain and remind you that bodies are useless skin bags of brittle bones. It topped off what has been a really tough few weeks. Work has been…
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New directions.
I spent last weekend listening to education podcasts. Thinkers with interesting, important things to say. The best guests were those whose words were married into stories of their own eclectic experiences. Off the back of this, I started to read the articles and thinkpieces they’d penned. Carefully curated ideas that spark curiosity, afterthoughts, reflection. I…
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Ways of being.
I saw a post on X/Twitter about living three different lives since 2019. These posts act as silly little reflective prompts which don’t half get my brain juices flowing. I also feel like I’ve been three different people since 2019. I meander in my thoughts, feeling like I’ve somehow created an image of myself so…